Tomorrow I start a new company. After 2 years at a very demanding company, I am moving on. Whether or not the new place will be as demanding or less (or maybe even more) is undetermined.
Those who are close to me, know my life has been pretty , shall we say, dynamic over the past 10 years. That said, I definitely have a Morpheus or Qui Gon jinn approach to life, in that, everything happens as it has..and as it should. Thats not to say its a belief in pre-destination. Rather, its a fundamental understanding of the role of faith. Having faith isnt the same as having favor or having it right. It simply means… I DONT KNOW – for an engineer (of anything ), that’s a hard statement to make. I make a career out of I KNOW THIS, or I understand that. I can honestly say though, I have ZERO clue where my next step on a personal level is
What I do know, is that not only do I not know what will happen, but I do know, its not in my control, at all. What I know though is I have a God… who loves me beyond measure, and ultimately… He IS . That means he controls, everything. If we understood the WHY , we would have no need of a God..and there would be no God. A lot of people think they understand the why, but in reality, its all a beautiful lie. The one truth in life is that we don’t know – and that’s OK. Because HE knows, and believing in Him means that I know that not for but the grace of God I go.
I wish I would have lived in a time where I could have known Merton on a more personal level. He’s the ultimate mystic of our time, in that he thought and believed on a level few people will ever attain, some might even call it enlightenment. What ever it is, I think we can agree, its best embodied in his writings, and especially his faith based efforts, such as his prayer below. If there was one prayer that I think was tailored for a person like me, its that below
My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though
I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.